The fossilised remains of a marathon runner has been found in the woods, 5 miles north of the ferry terminal.
The island's police forensics team, PC Hugh Dunnett and Magnus the Bobby form the mainland, have dissected a section from the fossilised marathon runner's foot. According to the number of rings found on the dissected bunion, they estimate that the contestant stopped running in 1914.
Anyone who feels that they lost a grandparent around 1914 and suspects that they might descend from fossilised wood, please contact Woodworm Willie at Woodworm Willie's Funeral Services in order to assist with identification of the deceased.
DNA services can be provided by 'Tongue in Cheek Swabs Ltd.' Hopefully, they will have this case licked in no time at all.
Once the identity of the fossilised runner has been established, a re-run of the event will be announced.
