Over 60s Seniors' Club - Dung Wrestling Competition

The Over 60's Seniors' Club are sending out an appeal for dung for their Dung Wrestling Competition to be held at the Dung Flingers' Games on May 6th, 2006. "As you can see, the pile is growing but, " says club secretary, Máiréad MacPhee, "we are hoping that this year people will dig deep into their pockets and donate lots more dung."

Máiréad's husband, Erchie MacPhee, has just been bestowed with the honor of being chosen as the Clan Chieftain of the 2006 Dung Flingers' Games. It has just been announced, too, that Jean at the Woolshop has finished designing and constructing the traditional knitted underpants to be worn by the Chieftain. We await confirmation yet but it is rumoured that Erchie's underpants will be made of olive green Sirdar double knitting, but with the unusual addition of gusset buttons covered with Hunting MacPhee tartan. Reportedly, Jean used a size 10 needle for the knitting.

The programme of events for the 2006 games is as follows –

10 am – Opening speech by the Clan Chieftain of the Games followed by an unveiling of the 2006 Dung Flingers' Games underpants, together with a demonstration.

10.30 – The Chieftain chooses his partner for round one of the dung wrestling.

10.45 – Round two of the dung wrestling is a Ladies' Choice, led by the Chieftain’s wife, Máiréad, to the music of the Glenpuddle and Munroe First Crofters Memorial Brass Ensemble. Est 1862. Solos will feature Annie on her tuba and Bertha on the bassoon.

11.00 – Cyril Nosecone digs deep and buys a round of drinks for all at the bar.

12 noon – Award winning talk and demonstration by Jimmy Clog the plumber on “D.I.Y. Fashion Accessories for Your Home Septic Tank.”

12.30 – The Clapdarnach Association hold their Craft Fair in the Beer Tent. Entry forms for the dangleberry modeling competition can be obtained from myself, Torquil. Dried clapdarnachs can be bought on the day for use but contestants must bring their own sellotape, scissors, carving tools, string and paint.

2.00 – The Competitive Games continue in the field behind the Woolshop with Dried Turd Hurling, Bull Fart Lighting Competitions, and prizes for the largest bags of sheep droppings gathered over the day. Bags and entry forms can be obtained from myself, again.

3.00 – Judging of the face painting competition (paint supplied by the Dangleberry Cosmetic Company – made only from freshly-picked clapdarnachs from only the best ewes.)

3.30 – Queue begins for sample tastings of the new 2006 Clapdarnach Beaujolais Nouveau (wine supplied by Clapdarnach Wineries - made only from freshly-picked clapdarnachs from only the best ewes.

5.00 – The Dung Flingers' Ceilidh Ball begins.