11th May, 2011
Torquil Mor
Clapdarnach Croft
The Highland Island
Dear Mr. Mor,
Trading Standards’ Representative – Clipboard Cathal
We regret to inform you of a recent administration error, resulting in the early departure of our representative, Clipboard Cathal, from the Highland Island.
Our representative was instructed to adopt the disguise of Detective ‘Sherlock’ Holmes. However, due to poor mobile reception in your area, Clipboard Cathal mistakenly adopted the persona of Pornographic Actor, ‘John’ Holmes, (aka Johnny Wadd).
We apologise for this misunderstanding, and regret any embarrassment caused to the ten polish ladies, distracted from their cleaning duties inside Daft Uidean’s shed.
I hope we can come to some mutually beneficial, out of court, settlement. Meantime, I encourage all Highland Island residents to address their concerns to me in writing.
Yours truly,
Nigel Piles
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11 comments:
I look compensation for knob polish, because I have now nothing to clean knobs with.
I use knob polish on brass pole that I use for dance. Dance very good for polish lady bridesmaid, yes?
Dobroslawa Pledgiski
Oh Lordy Lordy what a terrible state of affairs. What with me being poorly and unable to paint I thought it was a good idea to have an appraisal and stock take of my beautiful and I might add rather expensive paintings. I took my entire stock out to my back yard, becoming rather hungry due to the exertion I thought a barbecue would be a lovely idea. Barbecue lit, I went into my house which had been locked only to find Clipboard Cathal attired inappropriately in my parlour, I came over all unneccesary, screamed in utter horror, ran out back and knocked over my barbacue in my haste to escape. Oh my poor paintings, all burned. I most certainly shall be putting in a hefty claim for damage to my property and fragile demeanour.
Fiona without paintings!!
Muddy Brown is thinking!
Wullie Spanners is thinking very hard!
Jean at the woolshop is thinking about spinning some yarn.
Murdina at the butchers is thinking!
Daft Uisdean is thinking!
Hughie Mohamed at the Spar shop is thinking....
Furkin the garage cat is thinking....
*MESSAGE FROM NIGEL PILES *
Okay Okay...from what I can gather from the Ladies of the Free Church Knitting Circle... I draw the line at Daft Uisdean and Furkin being capable of any form of intelligent thought.
You are all 'at it!'
And, we've found a stash of 'original' paintings behind the cistern, down at the public toilets at the ferry terminal!
*MESSAGE OVER*
SWARFEGA RULES!
-- Daft Uisdean
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