Barking News!

Farquar Bogg, from the Agriculture, Rumba-dancing and Sanitation Department, has received an anonymous complaint from the pen of Máiréad MacPhee. “In the rich mix of highland life, here on the island, I protest that no provision is being made for our canine components.”

“Máiréad MacPhee, club secretary of the Dung Flinger's Games, is a valued member of our community and she raises a very valid point here;” says Farquar. “The island has a predominance of sheep and we need more recognition of man’s faithful friend.”

Máiréad wrote, “When my husband Erchie accepted the role of Chieftain of the 2006 Dung Flinger’s Games, he assumed that his dog would be part of the proceedings. We were aghast when Erchie was told that Jean at the Woolshop would not be knitting a matching pair of 2006 Dung Flingers' Games canine underpants. Erchie had spent hours training his dog to undo gusset buttons covered with Hunting MacPhee tartan and to fasten them again once he’d cocked his leg.”

Her complaint continued, “Erchie’s stalwart companion is recognisable by his eye patch and a missing ear. Wrongly evicted from the Kennel Club, electrocuted by peeing on the toaster, and brain damaged by the flying hoof of an epileptic heifer, he was also mistakenly neutered by Murdina the Butcher when he ventured to collect Erchie’s pound of tripe. The dog suffers from flatulance, a dander allergy and severe Felinophobia. But, still he answers to “Lucky”.”

“It seems to me that Lucky would fit in seamlessly into the Dung Flinger’s Games, especially in a community within which one member has lost his marbles, another his leg and a third its lug.”

Máiréad challenges an unfair and exclusive bias towards sheep on the island, saying, “We need to address the issue that if One Lug Doug, the prize-winning sheep, continues to rule the roost, basking in favouritism, then Erchie’s Lucky, the One Lug Dug, is being unfairly victimised. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that once these people learn of Lucky’s range of infirmities, they would all be jealous since they only have one each.”

Farquar Bogg said that, since the receipt of Máiréad’s complaint, others have followed. “We are still sifting through the mail,” says Farquar, “and the dilemma is growing more complex as I read.”

“In protest, Erchie MacPhee has stepped down as Chieftain of the 2006 Dung Flinger's Games, until such time as Lucky is fully included. The 2006 Dung Flinger’s Games has, therefore, been temporarily postponed to an undecided date, later in the dung season. This has angered dung fans in the community, who are receiving the support of sheep owners. “Let’s get Lucky tonight!” the islanders are shouting to the sheep.”

Farquar concluded, “We need to hear from more dog owners, in support of Lucky, who feel their canines have been neglected, too.”



Photo courtesy of Clapdarnach Studios -

"A self-conscious Lucky wears his new cosmetic wig, specially designed to hide the missing ear."