Ruby Hazelnut, Dance Instructor from the Dancing by Numbers Nightclass, reports -
I danced in the morning when World Dance Day begun
I danced with Torquil, and with Cyril’s daft son
I got down with Kylie Madonna and we danced on the Earth
At the Dangly Crystal Balls Dance Hall, she gave birth.
“You dancing then?” Said Woodworm Willie
“I am the Lord of the Dance,” said He!
“You asking, Woodworm Willie?” Said Me
“Yes, I'll lead you in the Dance,” said He!
“Can you lead with your wooden leg, then?” said Me
I danced for The Glenpuddle and Munroe First Crofters Memorial Brass Ensemble. Est 1863
But they would not dance until they found ‘Middle C’
I danced for the poachers, and with Big Maggie Ann
She crushed my big toe, but the dance went on.
“You dancing then?” Said Cyril Nosecone
“I am the Lord of the Dance,” said He!
“You asking, Cyril Nosecone?” Said Me
“Yes, I'll lead you in the Dance,” said He!
“Can you lead with your nose, then?” said Me
I danced on Friday 28th April, when the sky turned black
It's hard to dance the strip polka with a heavy raincoat on your back
Daft Uisdean bared his bottom, and danced the seven veils
Then he wasn’t at the Dance: he was sitting in jail!
“You dancing then?” Said PC Hugh Dunnett
“I am the Lord of the Dance,” said He!
“You asking, PC Hugh Dunett?” Said Me
“Yes, I'll lead you in the Dance,” said He!
“Can you lead with your truncheon, then?” said Me
They cut Jean a joint and she leapt up high
Hers was the Speech that would never, never die!
So we borrowed some Mogadon and put it in her tea,
Lord, the Dance was now ball, because it was speech free.
“You dancing then?” Said Erchie MacPhee
“I am the Chieftain of the Dance,” said He!
“You asking, Erchie MacPhee?” Said Me
“Yes, I'll lead you in the Dance,” said He!
“Can you lead with your wee dog Lucky, then?” said Me
Note from Torquil - After that happy ending, where Erchie agreed to be Chieftain of the Dung Wrestling games, and Lucky was measured up for his matching pair of 2006 Dung Flingers' Games canine underpants, with Hunting MacPhee tartan crotch buttons, Cyril Nosecone presented his paper to the committee "My life as a pilot - turbulence as a form of dance."
Cyril’s paper will be added to the comments section soon, so watch this space.
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3 comments:
Yer chorus is all wrong now, Ruby.
Can you also tell us what dancing by numbers is?
Turbulence as a form of dance - lets begin with departure from the aerodrome - one is seated with hands on what is affectionately called the "yolk" So begin with V,1, 2,3 then V 2,2,3 and so on.
When one hits turbulence one should counter by pressing on the rudder together with the yolk so the dance formation should be right leg down, left leg down, raise head upward to look for other traffic, move hands forward and back. Violent turbulence brings with it a shamanic movement similar to electrocution - just let your spirit run free and shudder until the aircraft stablises. You may wish to tilt your head to the right then left to release any Cerical Verebral trension. Perhaps the best form of Turbulence inspired dance takes place in the passenger cabin of a large jet anything from 737 to 777 qualifies. The pilot may wish to check for external wing damage and does so as follows. Mince down the aisle. Rest onme hand on a headrest on each side of the aisle. Then bow down and extend neck outward to each wing checking for damage. You should move right, then left and back again - smile of you see no damage. You should resemble the insignia on the bonnet of a Rolls Royce. Remember people that the air is your dancefloor and you are your very own wings - you don't have to be very wealthy like me to fly.
next year I will present my next paper - "dance from Uranus to Mars - not just a fantasy"
Thank you.
Fascinating, just fascinating, Cyril. I wonder what Ruby Hazelnut thinks about the fabulous choreographing. I was thinking about doing a feature on your paper, in a few days, once I've had time to contact Ruby. Meanwhile, I look forward to reading "dance from Uranus to Mars - not just a fantasy."
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