Jean is currently interviewing for the post of 'resident vet' for the Lovely Day Radio show. The successful vet will be called upon to answer questions and address concerns from both the local farming communities and from local pet owners on the island.
There is still time to apply, if you feel you are qualified for the job. Here are the interview questions. Submit your answers below, in ‘Comments,’ to apply for the position.
1) What are the main two differences between a billy goat and a bantam hen?
2) If your sheep's clapdarnachs suddenly turned orange, what would your diagnosis be?
3) If your pig was bulimic, how would you fatten her up for Christmas?
4) If Daisy the Dairy Cow asked for advice on udder implants, what would you recommend?
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7 comments:
1) You could call a Billy Goat William, Liam, Will, Willy, or Bill but the only name I’ve ever known for a Bantam Hen is Mildred, so there's a big difference right off the bat.
2) I’d stop putting carrots in the lamb vindaloo.
3) I’d gie ma pig a big fleece jacket to wear, with an extra vest underneath.
4) First I’d have to take a wee look, so I’d say, “Gees a teet at yer diddies, Mrs.”
What's the pay like first?
Em...I'd love the job of Vet -I'm trying to give up flying and feel that this would enable me to try a new challenge and reach my full potential and provide a much needed service to the local community - but what I don't get is the animal questions - whats that got to do with vetting people?
I'll answer the questions anyway.
1: You couldn't use Billy Goat in a Chicken Maryland or Chicken Supreme.
2: Clapdarnachs suddenly turning Orange would probably mean John Diced. I dunno what it is but my mother always said people who were orange were John Diced.
3: Which Christmas - This year or next year. I'd go to the farm supplies store and ask for some Happy Meal.
4: It would depend if they were temporary or permenant - I'd recommend that she bites the bullet and does it - she'll regret it in later life - they could be reversible.
I knew John Diced - he was a Liver-puddlian, always puddling in livers. He had a long-haired cousin called Titus, who wore Jesus sandals and flowery shirts -Hippy Titus. Grand chaps, too, so they were.
1. a bantam hen dis'nae have a beard 2. i'd stop dunkin them in ma orange juice 3. dinae be silly mister, I have turkey for christmas and ma turkey isnae on a diet 4. if she wants udder implants, i'd tell her naw. ah mean whats next, nipple rings, tatoos?
1) Well if yer talking about ma brothers Tam and Billy, the judge decided tae ban-Tam frae school busses and Billy goat five years at her majesties pleasure fae robbin' that post office.
2) If the clapdarnachs start flashin' orange it's an indication she's turning, eh.
3) Marry her? It worked on ma ex-wife.
4) Ah reckon strawberry flavoured ones, or banana - aye, banana milk
- pure dead brilliant eh? Braw.
Even after all these years yer still a mad mare, good to see.
Love
The magoo
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