BIG-ANGUS-UP-THE-BRAE - has a question for the vet

Hello again, lovely readers.

Today we got an email from 'Big-Angus-up-the-Brae'.

I thought you might want to read his email and ponder over its content, until our resident vet on Lovely Day Radio gets around to answering Big-Angus-up-the-Brae's problem.

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"Hullo there Jean, It's Big Angus from up the Brae.

I've got your eggs for you, I'll chust get my usual payment later. I was just wondering if I could have a word with Hamish, so I was.

It's a wee bitty personal so it is but I know that you're discreet with these things.

I'm sure you've noticed that the eggs from my farm haven't been up to their usual standard, so they haven't. I think this may be because of the problems I've had with Trevor - my cock.

I'm sure all the ladies from the Knitting Guild remember him, especially after last year's talent show where I got him out for all to see. Poor old Elsbeth nearly had a dizzy turn...she said she hadn't seen such a big cock since the war, so she didn't.

Anyway, Big Maggie-Anne came round for her weekly visit and I went to get Trevor but disaster struck. Normally she gets very excited when I come through holding my cock but that day it was chust hanging there limp and lifeless. I was so ashamed. It had never happened to me before. Big Maggie-Anne tried her best to revive him, giving him a good rub and even tried a bit of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but to no avail.

I'm so dreadfully embarrassed over this. I was going to take him round to the primary school and show him to the children again but PC Dunnett advised me not to.

I'm sure that you'll come to a conclusion and tell me how I can get Trevor back to his former glory. It feels strange not waking up with him standing there proudly.

I'll be on my way now, so I will. I need to get round to Willie's to pick up my cooking whisky. I hope to hear back soon."

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Tragic tale, so it is. I'm sure we all look forward to hearing the remedy from Hamish the Bearded Clam Diver, on the next Lovely Day Radio show.

Thank you for your email, Big Angus Up The Brae.