Draft Minutes
Highland Island Entertainment Council and Knock Kneed Lurcher Enthusiasts
November 14, 2006, Autumn Meeting
Members Present –
Chairman –
Farquar Bogg of the Agriculture, Rumba-dancing and Sanitation Department
Members-
Torquil Mor
Cyril Nosecone
Woodworm Willie
Rev. Hellman Brimstone
Daft Uisdean
Annie from The Glenpuddle & Munroe First Crofters Brass Ensemble. Est 1862.
Jean at the Woolshop
PC Hugh Dunnett
Dougal
Julio Fernando
Seamus the Slow Worm
The Ladies of the Church Guild
Maggie Ann MacPhee
Hamish the Bearded Clam Diver
Apologies –
Ruby Hazelnut
Dorcas Mor
Kylie Madonna Britney Dolly MacTavish
Crawford Minty
Bunty Minty
Julio Fernando’s mother
Jóhann Þór Jóhannsson of the Asiatic Eskimos of Reykjavik Disco Dancers
Call to order -
Rev. Brimstone shouted out the first round of drinks at 7.02 pm.
Salute -
Board member Torquil Mor led with the first “Slainte mhoiz,” closely followed by “Break a Leg” from Woodworm Willie, while Annie played Amazing Grace on her trombone (we think).
Announcements –
Maggie Ann MacPhee made many obscene announcements during the course of the meeting and once again the committee decided to increase her medication for Tourette Syndrome.
Chairman’s Report –
Farquar Bogg reported that since the last meeting in February, no progress had been made on anything. Cyril Nosecone’s balls still have not been held. Ruby Hazelnut’s Dancing by Numbers Class lost count again. PC Hugh Dunnett has not solved any cases at the police station. Jóhann Þór Jóhannsson has not learned any English. After 11 months and 6 days, and 6 gallons of concentrated prune juice, Kylie Madonna Britney Dolly MacTavish still has not given birth. Therefore, there would be no chairman’s report.
Business –
Maggie Ann shouted objections, before any business was discussed, so a bottle of Blue Nun was added to her medication.
Volunteers were requested to investigate the matter of the stolen antique furniture that was found recently in PC Hugh Dunnett’s crime detection van. Since volunteers were reluctant to interfere with the law, PC Dunnett offered to examine himself in public, exposing everything openly. Betty Morag of the Ladies’ Church Guild said that her friend, Lillian, had a stroke and asked why the other ladies were reluctant to offer support. She got everything off her chest, crying that it was all too much for Lillian on her own and asked for some extra hands. The Rev. Brimstone said that Betty Morag had touched him so much that he would definitely come. Meanwhile he would pray for the well-being of his member.
An email arrived from Jóhann Þór Jóhannsson, which said, “Eg mundi vilja kaupa bjor.” Nobody understood.
Julio Fernando asked if he could have a copy of the minutes translated into Spanish for his mother in Mexico City.
Big Maggie Ann’s outburst was struck from the record while a half bottle of cooking whisky was added to her IV line.
Torquil asked if anyone had seen the knock-kneed lurchers, but no one had seen them. A motion was carried forward. The committee tried to decide if it belonged to the knock kneed lurchers. Rover and Flossie, whose knees were the straightest, were blamed for the motion and the committee decided to seek training advice from Nellie and her performing Jack Russell terriers.
Cyril Nosecone was asked to give a full report on the North Ronaldsay mail run for the next meeting.
Actions –
Maggie Ann has to keep taking her medicine.
Daft Uisdean has to change his underpants and pick the crust off his vest.
Jóhann Þór Jóhannsson will bring an Icelandic - English dictionary to the next meeting.
Julio Fernando will enroll his mother in an ESL (English as a Second Language) course.
Next meeting –
to be decided
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4 comments:
Sorry we missed the meeting,Crawford was at the Lodge on the mainland sorting out that mixup about our missing antique furniture being found in PC Hugh Dunnett's crime prevention van.
The mannie with the goat said it was no sweat at the lodge,(or something like that) so we'll be on our way back to the big house as soon as the new number plates are ready.I'll get Crawford to phone you from the phone box,I gave him the 30pence.
Torquil, I must say it was splendid indeed being back on the Highland Island but a problem has come to my notice which needs urgent attention before the next meeting. I was flying by the council store and noticed several signs which were being placed across the island. For example: "No Barking" - "Barking Limited to 60 minutes in any two hours" - "Barking Tickets will be issued" - Torquil its no fair on the dugs. Somethin needs to be done and done fast.
Hello Bunty my dear, Och dinnae worry about missing the meeting now. You just get your furniture back.
With regards to the new number plates, and Crawford's 30 pence ... could you be giving me a lift to the phone box, too. Sometimes there's an awful bad line there, so if I just stand outside the phone box when Crawford calls me then I'll be hearing what he's saying more clearly.
I hear you got a lovely new perm today. Blue tint will match your eyes -- when you get the cataracts done of course.
Hello there Cyril my good friend.
There's been an awful mix up, Cyril. Daft Uisdean was painting the letters on the signs and he's awful dyslexic - he makes anagrams out of everything.
It isnae supposed to read "NO BARKING".
No, that's the sign for the new fertility clinic and it is supposed to say
"GROIN BANK"
Sorry, I'll keep a better check on him from now on.
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