Sponge Bath Square Bob, male Charge Nurse from the Dangly Balls Geriatric Home, has reported that during 'hygiene hour' one of the elderly residents went missing.
Please be on the look out, check your outhouses, for Padraig Post (ex postman). When last seen, Padraig was wearing a Hessian mailbag, Gimli helmet, flip flips (that's two lefts from a pair of flip flops), and wielding a soap on a rope.
E-mail Sponge Bath Square Bob, in the comments section below, if you have any information to share about Padraig Post.
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10 comments:
I'd say he's probably reenacting his old post run old chap. Ye see, I know how it works from the Post Run to North Ronaldsay. I'd suggest you visit Henrietta at the hill then Long Eddie from beneath the hill and Joan from the cottage at the edge of the hill, he'd usually go there and stop for a smoke before he got to the top of the hill. Maybe he fell down and broke his crown?
I think we saw him, naked, on the Skye bridge about 2.30 pm today. Would have stopped to give a lift, I'm used to handling boas you see, but had to cover my friend Ethel's eyes in case she had a stroke.
Gladys from the Serpentarium
Geriatric home? Hygiene hour? Avoidance of Sponge Bath Square Bob? Are you sure that we are talking about old Padraig and not a certain mechanic...it does fit...bear in mind that he has not remotely noticed that large ammounts of Swarfega are missing from his premises.
Swarfega? Sponge bath?....I think someone oot there fancies me an' its no yon psyco Square Sponge or whatever they call him.....or Big Maggie-Anne, she's spoken for....I made a grab at the artist lassie today (just to be polite you know)....she chased after me as usual but only hit me with her broomstick twice....I think she's weakening.....
as a tribute to our missing retired postie myself and my band are releasing our new single - "Stop, oh yes, wait a minute Mr Postman"...the two carpenters that used to do all the woodwork on the island sang it a while back before they quit and went into Information Technology - theres no money in wood work says Harry Carpenter as he sat watching two boys fight with gloves on...
Hello there, my good friend that's a representative of the knitting circle,
Yes, I see what you mean but more importantly, some would say that Wullie Spanners has an almost cat-like appearance and we all know that cats hate baths and they wander in the night rummaging, scrounging and foraging for morsels. But, I can assure you that Padraig Post is who he said he is, at least he was who he said he was back in the days before he thought he was a member of the Helm of Gimli. So, no I think your knitting circle needs to think again about the true identity of Padraig Post.
Hello there my good friend Wullie Spanners,
Och, I’m sure there’s many a young lass out there in need of security, who fancies winning the wallet of a man wi’ his own fleet of stunning buses and pristine hire cars, not to mention the sheer bliss of having an endless supply of Swarfega to hand!
Dinnae be grabbing at thon poor artist lassie again. She’s canvassing for a break.
Hello there my good friend Cyril, again,
I’m sorry Cyril but you are going to have to go back and re-write your lyric. You see, you canna just be stopping the postman willy nilly these days, not simply by saying, “wait a minute.” No! The governing body of island postal services, “Pass the Parcel Post,” states that you must first stop the music and allow them to open one package before speaking to them.
(All information researched and verified as correct by Crawford Minty, Honorary Committee Member of Pass the Parcel Post, plc.)
Hello there my good friend Gladys from the Serpentarium,
Adder girl!
Your Boa,
Torquil
Those characters from the serpentarium are a slippery bunch you know, Torquil - it gets grants of £20,000 every year yet it looks like Wullie Spanners's old Ford Transit cab with some grass snakes in it to me.
Theres a note on the dashboard saying "windscreen viper", .
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