Farquar Bogg hits out at Michael MacAspel

During last night's six o'clock news, an urgent plea hailed from Farquar Bogg of the Agriculture, Rumba-dancing and Sanitation Department. "Could everyone please switch off their JCB engines and listen," he shouted.



A quiet hush spread across the highland island. No one had ever seen Farquar so agitated before.


"Thanks to Michael MacAspel's offer to value pieces of antique roads, the island has been stripped completely barren of its entire transportation infrastructure – in short,” he shouted, “there are no roads leading from or going anywhere.”

While the patrons of the bar down at the ferry terminal could be heard cheering and calling for a lock-in, phone calls began to flood into the local emergency services from distressed islanders in need of assistance.

A furious Big Maggie Ann dialed the local police station to say that the post van, stranded on the north side of the island, contained her eBay purchases and, in particular, she needed the ‘Full set of dentures – BNWTs (Brand New with Tobacco stains)', for a date tonight.

Local funeral home director, Woodworm Willie, telephoned the mortuary to report that the hearse, complete with deceased occupant, was stuck in the middle of a hump-backed bridge, and if the high evening temperature did not drop he would be forced to lower the corpse by rope into the cool of the river below.

“The biggest catastrophe,” Farquar claimed, “is down at the ferry terminal, where enormous mountains of tarmac have been dumped.” He shook an angry fist in the air. “As chairman of the local Agriculture, Rumba-dancing and Sanitation Department, I demand that next Sunday’s filming of the Antique Road Show is cancelled. Michael MacAspel should be held accountable for the mayhem he has caused.”

The incoming evening ferry turned back to the mainland, as landing proved impossible.