It's ready folks. Come and get it!
Dear Readers and Listeners,
"I think there's someone practicing voodoo on the island," said Jean, when I talked to her after church yesterday. "I keep getting these prickles all over me, so I do, and I'm having awful bad luck with meeting deadlines for the radio show."
When I asked her what sort of prickle she was feeling these days, Jean said, "It's hard to explain. First I feel an "ouch," followed by an "oooo" and then it sort of goes "goodness gracious me" and it ends up with me saying "I think I'll be putting a wee bitty less Dandelion and Burdock into my cooking whisky tonight," and Jean finally admitted, "then I get myself a wee bitty of a hang-over in the morning, so I do."
I asked Jean why she thought her feeling prickles was due to someone practicing voodoo, and she said, "Because I found this stuffed rag doll down at the ferry terminal, covered in safety pins."
P.C. Hugh Dunnett, Woodworm Willie and myself were on the case straight away. We applied to the northern constabulary on the mainland for a grant and opened a mobile incident room down at the ferry terminal (compliments of Sammy's Porta-Potties Ltd.) and we placed the stuffed rag doll, with the safety pins still inserted, outside as bait. Hugh, Willie and myself then sat inside the incident room, waiting for an incident. (Willie had drilled some peep holes in the side wall of the incident room, just like he does in the joke coffins on his April 1st funerals.)
Well right enough, we saw someone saunter along the jetty holding a fresh box of safety pins.
On the count of three, Hugh, Willie and I pounced on the occultist. Hugh confiscated the pins and slapped on the cuffs, Willie slammed him on the head with a bottle of embalming fluid “Take that!” and I took a photo, for crime scene evidence.
Well, it was none other than Daft Uisdean, looking for his rag doll, Boo.
“Where’s my Boo?” said the Daft boy.
“Boo Who?” said P.C. Dunnett.
We’d never seen a grown policeman cry before, but when Daft Uisdean told him that Boo’s ear was falling off and when Uisdean explained how he’d used safety pins to keep Boo’s ear on, P.C. Dunnett cried, “How am I going to explain to the northern constabulary on the mainland that the funding for the incident room was all in vain?”
Meanwhile, Jean’s shingles are still in recovery, so, yet again, there will be a delay in the second radio show.
Yours truly
Torquil
P.S. Cyril, How can we stop your Daft Uisdean from feeding cheese to his computer mouse? Its 'all gunked up' and his mouse pad smells like his feet!
News flash -
Our underwater correspondant, Sven Johansen, has just reported that Oslo is now completely underwater.
Lovely Day Radio, Programme 2, will be coming soon to your ears, so stay tuned.
