Grab a bargain.
Doors open at 9 am on Monday January 4th, 2010.
Limited stock - Hand-knitted underpants with three leg holes for the price of two.
10% off Special offer – Suffer from Jock Itch? Try our fast-acting sheep dip. Just wear your hand-knitted woolen underpants in the bath and add a sachet of “Crabs Be Gone” to the water. (Caution – skin irritant. May cause drowsiness. Common side effects include – memory impairment, hair loss, rapid weight gain, chronic flatulence, memory impairment, hair loss, memory impairment, rapid weight gain, memory impairment, chronic flatulence, memory impairment, memory impairment, and memory impairment.)
2010 EVENTS AT THE WOOL SHOP -
New at the wool shop –
Spinning wheel classes. First muddy Sunday in January. Bring your own tyres, clutch and hand brake cable.
Knitting needle exchange programme - No awkward questions asked. Safe disposal box available for used knitting needles. The wool shop needle exchange offers a large range of equipment for many different types of wool use and advice on safer casting-on techniques and harm reduction. Free family pattern planning on request.
Always practice safe knitting!
Remember – if you find a used knitting needle, do not touch it. If it is in a public place PLEASE phone the Wool Shop to arrange to have it picked up. Remember the exact location and if possible stay at the site until the Wool Shop Team arrive.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
New Independent News Correspondent
The Highland Island is pleased to announce the recruitment of a new overseas news correspondent, Al Jersey.
Al Jersey Independent News Bulletins will broadcast daily from a secret location, covering news as it happens from the latest war on the island of Rockall.
More on this story later…
Al Jersey Independent News Bulletins will broadcast daily from a secret location, covering news as it happens from the latest war on the island of Rockall.
More on this story later…
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Nativity Play - Auditions for Three Wise Men
Rev. Helman Brimstone has contacted me for help. Once again, he’s seeking three wise men for his church nativity play.
Last year, as you know, our minister was unable to find three wise men in his congregation. At the eleventh hour, he was forced to employ the services of three seal lions on loan from Edinburgh zoo.
Although the parishioners were happy to clap along with the seals, the nativity play was totally inaudible due to their barking. Rev. Brimstone also reported that many of the congregation left his church empty handed; disappointed that they hadn’t managed to catch any of the fish being thrown. To make matters worse, a representative from the Health & Safety Executive removed baby Jesus from the manger, as he was not wearing a hard hat. When the Rev. Brimstone filled the empty cradle with six large pieces of freshly filleted haddock, the seals ran amok diving and nudging at Mary and Joseph who stood guard over the cradle.
Tomorrow, we have arranged for the usual representative from MENSA to supervise IQ testing in the church hall, prior to auditions for the three wise men. However, Rev. Brimstone is so keen NOT to utilize the seal lions again that he asked me to publish the MENSA test papers in advance, together with the answers to the questions.
Could anyone interested in becoming a wise man please memorize the following test paper before attending the auditions.
Thank you.
TEST PAPER
Q. 1. Daft Uisdean claims that he invented the wheel, so why is he still an idiot?
A. 1. Because someone else invented the other three?
Q. 2. If going to Rev. Brimstone’s church makes you a Christian, what are you if you go to
Wullie Spanners’ garage?
A. 2. A car.
Q. 3. Why can’t hedgehogs share a hedge?
A. 3. Pass.
Q. 4. What is tonight’s weather forecast on Jean’s radio show?
A. 4. Dark
Q. 5. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
A. 5. Pass.
Q. 6. Should Big Maggie Ann have another baby after 40?
A. 6. No 40 babies are quite enough.
Q. 7. Why doesn’t Cyril Nosecone show movies on board his planes?
A. 7. You don’t need movies when your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
Q. 8. Why does Murdina the Butcher still get a monthly bill from Woodworm Willie (the
Undertaker) when her husband, Murdo, was buried years ago?
A. 8. She told Willie that she wanted Murdo to look his best, so he rented Murdo a kilt.
Q. 9. If PC Hugh Dunnett and Murdo the Bobby were in a boat and it sunk, how many
policemen would be drowned?
A. 9. Four. Two during the accident and two during the re-enactment.
Q. 10. If all is not lost, where is it?
A. 10. Pass.
Last year, as you know, our minister was unable to find three wise men in his congregation. At the eleventh hour, he was forced to employ the services of three seal lions on loan from Edinburgh zoo.
Although the parishioners were happy to clap along with the seals, the nativity play was totally inaudible due to their barking. Rev. Brimstone also reported that many of the congregation left his church empty handed; disappointed that they hadn’t managed to catch any of the fish being thrown. To make matters worse, a representative from the Health & Safety Executive removed baby Jesus from the manger, as he was not wearing a hard hat. When the Rev. Brimstone filled the empty cradle with six large pieces of freshly filleted haddock, the seals ran amok diving and nudging at Mary and Joseph who stood guard over the cradle.
Tomorrow, we have arranged for the usual representative from MENSA to supervise IQ testing in the church hall, prior to auditions for the three wise men. However, Rev. Brimstone is so keen NOT to utilize the seal lions again that he asked me to publish the MENSA test papers in advance, together with the answers to the questions.
Could anyone interested in becoming a wise man please memorize the following test paper before attending the auditions.
Thank you.
TEST PAPER
Q. 1. Daft Uisdean claims that he invented the wheel, so why is he still an idiot?
A. 1. Because someone else invented the other three?
Q. 2. If going to Rev. Brimstone’s church makes you a Christian, what are you if you go to
Wullie Spanners’ garage?
A. 2. A car.
Q. 3. Why can’t hedgehogs share a hedge?
A. 3. Pass.
Q. 4. What is tonight’s weather forecast on Jean’s radio show?
A. 4. Dark
Q. 5. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
A. 5. Pass.
Q. 6. Should Big Maggie Ann have another baby after 40?
A. 6. No 40 babies are quite enough.
Q. 7. Why doesn’t Cyril Nosecone show movies on board his planes?
A. 7. You don’t need movies when your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
Q. 8. Why does Murdina the Butcher still get a monthly bill from Woodworm Willie (the
Undertaker) when her husband, Murdo, was buried years ago?
A. 8. She told Willie that she wanted Murdo to look his best, so he rented Murdo a kilt.
Q. 9. If PC Hugh Dunnett and Murdo the Bobby were in a boat and it sunk, how many
policemen would be drowned?
A. 9. Four. Two during the accident and two during the re-enactment.
Q. 10. If all is not lost, where is it?
A. 10. Pass.
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