Have you seen Padraig Post?

Sponge Bath Square Bob, male Charge Nurse from the Dangly Balls Geriatric Home, has reported that during 'hygiene hour' one of the elderly residents went missing.

Please be on the look out, check your outhouses, for Padraig Post (ex postman). When last seen, Padraig was wearing a Hessian mailbag, Gimli helmet, flip flips (that's two lefts from a pair of flip flops), and wielding a soap on a rope.

E-mail Sponge Bath Square Bob, in the comments section below, if you have any information to share about Padraig Post.

Pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Daft Uisdean has discovered gold!

The worth of Daft Uisdean's shed has elevated far beyond normal normal property values, as it now sits directly beneath the end of the rainbow. Uisdean can be seen daily, lugging out enormous golden pots from the inside of the premises.

A recent sale agreement, where Daft Uisdean was preparing to hand over the property to Cyril Nosecone, has now been cancelled and the boy is delighted. Rubbing his hands together in Swarfega, Daft Uisdean said, "It's mine again. The shed is all mine."

A spokesperson on behalf of Sydney Devine reports that Sydney is now offering his services to be abducted in the shed again, but Daft Usidean has thumbed his nose to the proposal, "I'm not interested in Sydney any more. The boy that plays down at the hotel said I could sing duets with him, if I fixed the roof in the old ferry terminal building and made us a recording studio."

Photograph compliments of Fiona and her paintings.

Murdina stops for a smoke.

Murdina, at the butcher shop, has been swamped with work recently. She's trachled.














"Darn chickens are all sneezing," she said, "and those cows wi' the wobbly legs just will'nae stand still long enough for me to aim the rifle. I hit Woodworm Willie in his prosthesis yesterday. Aye, the bullet went straight through the wood, so it did, and rebounded off the chopping block, lodging itself in the pudding mix. Darned if I can find it anywhere. Been up to my elbow ever since. So, black pudding is on sale today."

Poor Murdina. She asks, "Any capable tradesmen out there who can bung the hole in Willie's stump?"

Judges regroup in secret to reconsider their decision.

Rumors were circulating around the island about a mysterious meeting last week of The Prettiest Clapdarnach Competition judges. The judges were seen, secretly gathering behind the old sheddie, down at the ferry terminal.

Fred Twitter, of the local ornithology group, was observing Canadian geese from the local bird hide when he captured this shot through his telephoto lens, showing one of the judges hiding behind the sheddie.
















News is now breaking that the judges of The Prettiest Clapdarnach Photo Competition have reconsidered their original decision about the competition winner.

The winning entry had previously been announced as Fiona and her paintings, with their fabulous shot entitled “Homage to Gilbert and George,” but upon receiving new evidence, a first equal prize will now be awarded to Deirdre for her photograph “Short but Sweet”.

Big Maggie Ann, a spokesperson from the local gossip circle said, "Shhhh, didnae say I told you this, but Deirdre was blackmailing the committee of judges. Aye, she was, but didnae say you heard it from me. Okay?"

Meanwhile, due to the publication of Fred Twitter's photograph of the sheddie, local garage owner, Wullie Spanners, is being questioned by local building code inspectors. Spanners, who had recently been awarded a three figure sum for the contract of pannel beating and refurbishing the sheddie, had been paid in full by MacBrains Ferries for completion of his work. The quality of his pannel beating is now in question.

Our representative from the local gossip circle, Big Maggie Ann, said, "Dinnae trust thon Spanners bloke. He disnae do the work. He pockets the money and sends Daft Uisdean oot wi a hammer and six nails. Look! Oor Sheddie's falling doon! But, Shhh, dinnae say it wus me who said it."

News from the Glenpuddle and Munro First Crofters' Brass Ensemble, Est 1862

Great news!

Annie, of the Glenpuddle and Munro First Crofters' Brass Ensemble, est 1862, recently secured funding from the Crofters' Commission to buy a new tuba.

She has sent us a photo of her wonderful new tuba, pictured left.

Annie says, "I have now managed to master middle C, an F# and a B flat. The rest of the notes will be found in time. I know they are in there somewhere. I just have to find them."

When asked what her first solo piece will be, with the fabulous new tuba, Annie answered, "Can you repeat the question?"

Well done Annie and her new new tuba!

AND THE WINNER IS --->>>

Fiona and her paintings have won "The Prettiest Clapdarnach Competition" with their entry - "Homage to Gilbert and George."

Well done Fiona and her paintings!

Your entry was chosen as the winner due to the artistic presentation of the natural flower arrangement of crocuses around your clapdarnachs. How beautifully presented, indeed!!! This is a true homage to Gilbert and George.

Your prize will be sent to you. Please allow 5 – 10 working days for delivery.

Thank you to all other contestants for your imaginative entries, especially Deirdre from Arbroath (who thought she had won.)

Iron age clapdarnach found!

We have just received the final entry for our competition.

' The boy that plays down at the hotel' has uncovered a genuine iron age clapdarnach and has submitted this spectacular photo of it as a competition entry for our "Prettiest Clapdarnach Photo Competition".

Well done to the boy that plays down at the hotel and good luck with the competition.


All competition entries are currently being judged by our panel of experts and a winning entry will be announced soon.

Hamish's under water clapdarnach

Hamish the Bearded Clam Diver has submitted this giant clapdarnach photo. Must've been from a whale.

He says "Look at the size ah that! It's got tae be the worlds biggest Clamdarnach! What dae ah win? Ah've even been polishing it. Braw eh?"

Well done and good luck, Hamish!