New Dance Hall Prepares to Open

Today, April 28th, 2006, World Dance Day Minus One, the new dance hall down by the ferry terminal was preparing to open.

By 10 o’clock a large crowd had gathered and following a ribbon cutting ceremony, performed with precision by Jean at the Woolshop with a pair of lefthanded Fiskars 208798 dressmaking scissors, on sale this month for only ₤12.50, Jean began a very eloquent speech to name the new hall.

“Hello there everybody. Lovely day now, so it is, though it’s a bitty cold in the wind, too, now so it is. Mind you, it’s not as cold as yesterday, no. No, and not as windy as Tuesday either, goodness no. And, the rain we had Monday was awful, just awful so it was, and Monday being a washing day, too! Just as well it was windy on Tuesday for the all the clothes needing dried from Monday, aye, that’s right. Now where was I…”

While Jean organised her speech notes, there was a short musical interlude with a performance by Hanna Rexia and The Bulimic Bovines, singing “Purging on yon hillside pasture.”

Jean continued, "Aye, lovely day, right enough. Perfect morning for a light 3 ply olive green cardigan with half inch tortoiseshell buttons, so it is. And, they say it’ll be nice tomorrow, too, so they do…”

While Jean recited her fascinating weather forecasting, the programme continued with a song by Feargal Ferris and the Ferry Fairies, singing “The Skye Boat Song”, accompanied by Annie of The Glenpuddle and Munroe First Crofters Memorial Brass Ensemble, Est 1862, on her tuba. However, when they got to the lines, “Loud the winds howl, Loud the waves roar, Thunder clouds rend the air,” the skies opened, chucking down buckets of rain on the proceedings. Rev. Hellman Brimstone then fired into action. Thrusting his bible to the air, he yelled accusingly at Annie and Feargal Ferris and the Ferry Fairies, “Heathens! Devil Worshipers!” The Rev. turned to the soaked crowd. “Quick! Save your soles! Everyone put on your wellies!”

Meanwhile, back at Jean’s speech, “Aye, it’s a wet day, so it is now. Fancy that now. Grand day for the off-white, oiled Arran knitting wool, I’m thinking now, aye. Aye, it’s wetter than it was on Monday, och aye now. Good job it’s not washing day, so it is. Aye, grand day all the same, though its a bitty on the wet side, too. Now where was I...”

Jean’s speech will continue and conclude at 9 a.m. tomorrow, when the hall will be named and declared open for World Dance Day.