Daft Uisdean is being questioned at the local police station, by PC Hugh Dunnett, over some alleged fraudulent transactions. It is expected that Daft Uisdean will be told to go and stand in the corner of the police cell for misleading the public over his new business venture – a Self Amusement Park.
PC Hugh Dunnett was called to the scene of a large and impatient queue, waiting at the gate to Jessie MacTavish’s field. The crowd complained that they were growing tired of amusing themselves in a queue outside a gate, leading to an empty field. Meanwhile, Daft Uisdean had fleeced five quid per person to stand in the queue to his self amusement park.
It is hoped that a long stand in the corner of the police cell will lessen Daft Uisdean’s own self amusement over the matter, but he has since found some belly button fluff and a loose thread in his hand-knitted green underpants to play with and is frustratingly content.
Daft Uisdean, who is a part-time sound engineer for Lovely Day Radio, is also being questioned over an incident that occurred recently during his employment as apprentice at Wullie Spanners' garage. When asked to polish the windows of the prized Meinisters Standard Vanguard, recently repainted by Wullie’s technicians, Daft Uisdean began searching for the newspaper and vinegar and inadvertently destroyed Wullie’s valuable collection of early edition Playboy magazines. A tearful Wullie Spanners said that his early edition centerfold of Barbara Woodhouse was completed ruined, as he scraped her acidic left thigh from the rear window of his Meinsters Standard Vanguard.
Questions are also being raised as to whether Daft Uisdean’s attempts to flush away the evidence of Wullie’s ruined Playboy magazines, was also responsible for Wullie’s recent septic tank back up. Daft Uisdean is therefore being asked to contribute to the cost of Wullie’s best boiler suit being sent to the cleaners.
Agnes Joy, who is responsible for scrubbing gussets down at the laundry, informs us that Wullie Spanners' boilersuit is nearly dry now, though, and once she has pressed it she will pop it over to him on the back of her bicycle.
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8 comments:
Poor Uisdean - Hes been trying to stage his own event ever since Cyril & Rev Brimstone got that lottery funding for the next gig there at MacTavish's field(MacT in the Park ?).
He was just trying to get some exposure again,poor boy. Well done Uisdean, I say, but close the gate next time, the bull's got in about our Daisy again!
Hello there again, Mrs. Legge, dinnae be worrying about Daft Uisdean and his exposure. At your age I think you should just be thinking of exposure in a darkened room with the curtains shut. You be putting the dangleberry cold cream on your face, and give it a wee iron on a cool setting, and it'll be all bonnie again in the morning.
Mother says to say thank you for the chicken broth but go easy on the salt next time. After her second bowl we preserved a box of herring on her breath as she panted over the kitchen sink.
Torquil - come on - play the game and keep to 50% of your responsibilities, keep the lad under control. we need to have a meeting about the big gig at McTavishes. I'm working on a line up as we speak, but really, if I'm am to persuade any big noises to perform they must be assurred that they won't be subjected to Uisdean chokin the monkey...
Hello there Cyril, my good friend. I'm awful sorry, I only took my eyes off him for a wee while so that I could harvest some fresh clapdarnachs. The orders for our clapdarnach joss sticks are getting overwhelming since we went on to MySpace.
Any clues about the line up, Cyril? I'm sure that Annie would be available with her trombone and the Ladies of the Church Guld have just done a beautiful recording of the new Christmas carol? If you give us enough warning we might be able to get at least two of them to sing in tune.
OK Torquil - here is the initial line up - subject to contracts being exchanged. We need to think about times to allow for Roderick into the field with the feed for the cattle.
1: The Six Pistols - A country punk group who specialise in a shooting display while at the same time playing their best known hit - "Malachy in the uk" - Its a sort of singing / shooting version of the Red Arrows.
2: Dead Mens Troosers - A male voice choir who only wear recycled clothes.
3: Deirdre from Ardbroath - sings paper roses.
4: The Annual Lecture - to be decided.
5: Isobel Springsteen - does her rendition of Born to Run - my life with Lactulose.
6: Wilbur " Chip" Koploskie - Retired Astronaut - the threat of My Space.
I don't think we can have trhe peforming Jack Russells this year as animal rights are none to pleased.
See what ya think
Hello there Torquil my friend. Wullie Spanners here, just to say I look forward to Agnes Joy popping it over to me on her bicycle....it'll make up for the magazines.
Hello there my good friend, Wullie Spanners. Agnes Joy says that she is sorry that she couldn't get your boiler suit completely clean because she only specialises in gussets. But, at least you'll be able to sit down in the prized Meinisters Standard Vanguard, recently repainted by your technicians, without worry about soiling the seat. Yes, it is such a tragedy about the magazines. Sorry, Wullie.
Oh Cyril, my good friend, I haven't forgotten about you up there at the top of the comments. I'm thinking about your line up. Maybe Deirdre from Ardbroath might be wanting to be singing her new Cgristmas carol, but then Jean at Lovely Day Radio has a surprise in store there. Shhh! Don't tell her.
Should we be putting the portaloo closer to the stage for Isobel Springsteen?
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