Lord Winston Marjoribanks Bart 1940 – 2009 - Unfaithful husband to Millicent and father to more than half of the island. Even when we close our eyes, there’s an image of your face. We’ve already said our goodbyes. So go and haunt some other place! - Millicent Marjoribanks.
Lord Winston Marjoribanks Bart – Died 9th September 2009 – Lover to Big Maggie Ann - No pen could write. No tongue could tell, my sad and bitter loss. But Gordon’s Gin, has helped so well. Now I dinnae give a toss. Frae Big Maggie Ann.
Lord Winston Marjoribanks – Died in the arms of Annie, with her trombone. I think of you in silence. No eyes can see me weep. Coz, what a cheating sod you were… I’m glad you’re 6ft deep. Love Annie.
Winston Marjoribanks - You said you had a heart of gold. And, so I changed your manifold. You said you were generous, loving and kind. Then you left these unpaid bills behind. - Wullie Spanners at the garage (Still owed 16 shillings and 10 pence).
Lord Winston Marjoribanks Bart - Walled in our hearts, there’s a garden, where memories bloom and stay. Then there’s the compost heap, where we buried you, getting smellier every day. – Woodworm Willie Funeral Services.
Lord Winston Marjoribanks Bart 1940 – 2009 I knitted soft green underpants. You said you wore them often. So I knitted you another pair, to wear inside your coffin. - Jean at the Wool Shop.
Lord Winston Marjoribanks Bart – Died 9th September 2009. If I could have one wish today, it would not be for gold. It would be to reclaim haggis, that I’ve think I’ve gone and sold. I minced your leg in error, when they stuck you in my fridge. The mortuary was full that day. Isn’t life a bitch? – Murdina at the Butcher’s Shop.
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Lord Winston Majoribanks Bart
Our dear patron did sadly die,
Will be sorely missed by my paintings and I,
Impeccable taste in art we all thought,
As our dear friends you went and bought,
Let your critics be cast asunder,
As Woodworm Willie takes you under.
- Fiona and her paintings
Oh the painted lady just brought a tear to my blue eye. (My brown eye isn't half as sentimental.) Given her passion, and gift for words, can anyone tell me where I can view one of the painted lady's paintings? Should I try Muddy Brown's Art Emporium? Or Wullie Spanners' garage? Or, the wool shop? Murdina's the butchers? Forgive me but I'm new to the island -- Sagatha Sedgewick MacSodden (age 67 3/4)
Well Sagatha ma'dear, I'm right sorry, so I am, but a'dinnae have any o'her pictures for the wall in stock at the minute. I do have one o' Muddy Broons efforts but its in the worksop khazi bein' used tae wedge the cistern lid shut tae stop Uisdean puttin' goldfish in it.
What I can offer you, ma lamb, is the very finest one stop shop fae all yer automotive requisites so I can. Yon Armstrong Siddely you drives deserves the attentions o' the finest engineer on the whole island....right cheap rates too.
Oh by the way,
Ye might try Aromatic Brenda for hersels paintin's. She's got yon craft an hippy shop doon the old abbatoir. If ye can stand the overpowerin' pong o' too much incense that is.
Oh Wullie, (may I call you Wullie?)...I'm all asunder.
I crack jokes, but my timing belt needs changing as the punchline comes far too late. On the other pedal, I could throttle a bottle of gin... just to give me Dutch courage to say -- "Oh Wullie! Oh Wullie, my love!"
Alas, as I said...my timing is out, I fear.
(Will the painted lady ever forgive me for my impolite advances toward you -- Oh Wullie, Oh Wullie, my lovely Wullie?)
Yours deliciously,
Sagatha Sedgewick MacSodden (age 67 3/4)
Oh Sagatha! Sagatha!
You're so obviously new to the Island, one would advise caution when inviting Mr Spanners to handle your particulars.
signed,
Anonymously
It's too late, Anonymously, I've already smelled the muskiness of his boilersuit and I'm under this spell. My plugs are sparking, I'm blowing hot from my exhaust, and I have this urge to take my indicators off, each time I smell him.
Sniff...Ah! Wullie, my Wullie.
Yours juicily,
Sagatha Sedgewick MacSodden (age 67 3/4)
My paintings and I would like to cordialy welcome Ms MacSodden (age 67 3/4) to the island. How lovely to see romance blossom, we think William J Spanners is a very lucky man indeed. I'll paint at your wedding.
Fiona and her paintings
My dearest Sagatha, I send you this wee message wi' heavy heart see, for a romance between us can never be. when I try tae explain I'm sure ye'll see that tae go any further would proper wrong be.
Ma oldest pal who I've kent since age three. A noble an' loyal man as sure as a tree. An island stalwart respected by all, if our romance did blossom I'm sue he wid fall.
A' yer show reviews since 1963, the programmes an' posters he gathers wi' glee. Tapes o' yer bit parts on the ITV an yon catfood commercial ye'did in 73.
He sought out the cat an' bought it ye see. An when it died one thing had tae be, he had it stuffed by the taxidermy. It sleeps by his fireside for all eternity, tae always remind him o' his love fer ye.
Though a man small in stature, I'm sure you will see that his heart is as big as the CalMac ferry. A romance between us is the wrong way tae go, as sure as if I wis tae stomp on his toe.
Yer true love ma dear I'm sure you will find that ma best pals the man tae be with ye all time.
Wul.
PS I'll still do you a right good deal on yer car service.
xxx
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