As promised, here is the latest entry for Simon Bowel's 'The SP Factor' (sponsored by Clapdarnach Suncreams)
Fiona and Her Paintings will be singing this song, written for the EWE-rovision Song Contest by the famous Swedish Band of Shepherds - BaahBaah.
Take it away Fiona...
MONET, MONET, MONET.
I work all Nast, I paint Dali, De Gas bills I have to pay
Ain't it sad
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
That's too baahd
In my dreams I have a plan
If I got me a wealthy Manet,
I wouldn't have to work Frans Hals, I'd fool around with Andy Warhol...
Monet, Monet, Monet,
Must be funny
In the rich Manet's world
Monet, Monet, Monet,
Always sunny
In the rich Manet's world
Baahh Baahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little Monet.
It's a rich Manets world
A Manet like that is hard to find but I can't get Shinn off my mind
Ain't it sad
And if he happens to be Fairey I bet he wouldn't fancy Ney
That's too bad
So I must leave, I'll have to Gogh
To Leblanc or El Greco
And win a fortune in a Gauguin, my life will never be the Shahn...
Monet, Monet, Monet,
Must be funny
In the rich Manet's world
Monet, Monet, Monet,
Always sunny
In the rich Manet's world
Baahh Baahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little Monet
It's a rich Manet's world
Monet, Monet, Monet.
Must be funny
In the rich Manet's world
Baahh Baahaaa.
We now await comments on Fiona and Her Painting's performance by Simon Bowel and his panel of judges.
Transcribed by Hazy Dizzylady (The Highland Island Bard)
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10 comments:
Aren't I brilliant, it's in the bag I think. This winning performance is supported by a new line of paintings on sale now, a wise investment for the discerning eye.
Fiona and her new paintings
Ruby Hazelnut, Chief Judge here (despite what Simon Bowels might think), In my opinion, Fiona and her paintings need to do more high leg kicks and they need to tighten their harmonies, while flirting with the camera. I also think her leopardskin leggings clashed with the pink boa and would suggest more sensible shoes to avoid her falling in the orchestra pit again, next time around. 8/10 none-the-less.
Now, Now, Ruby, Tch Tch! You're being a bit harsh there. She only nipped for an orchestrated pit stop to join the wind section for less than a minute. And, you couldn't possibly have heard it pass because of Annie's blast on the trumpet.
You have to admit I hit all the high notes to perfection courtesy of a pair of beautifully knitted tight fitting sirdar green thongs, a kind gift from an island wellwisher however they did render high kicks inadvisable, you saw the consequences of my attempt at a half kick. During my mini sojourn on the pit I noticed that Spanners was sitting directly behind Annie, by the way !!
Regards,
Fiona and her paintings
I didn't notice Wullie in the wind section, but now you mention it...makes perfect sense. Per chance, was it Chinese carry-out night again?
Back to the music, though... I've had further comments come in from our pannel of judges on your performance.
Jean said, "Glad you found the hand-knitted thong helpful. Unfortunately, you were a trifle sharp on your high notes, so I'll slacken the tension on the thong if you can bring them in for an adjustment fitting next Tuesday."
I've deleted Daft Uisdean's comments.
Simon Bowels asked if you would consider singing that Leonard Cohen song with the lyric, "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in" next time you do high kicks with the thong on? He said he wants to test your bass notes, too.
Spruce Forsyth asks if you would be willing to appear in 'Strictly Come Tree Hugging'? If so, he'll consider giving you a high bark out of ten.
Aye, Aye, Aye, Blame auld Spanners fer the bum notes why dont ye'.
Well I'm here tae tell you there's no' a man woman or child on this island who isnae aware o' the gastric repercussions o' a red puddin' supper fae Greasy Dick's Executive Chipperama: well that 'an half a pound o' condemned veal fae Hughie Mohammed's "Reduced To Clear" shelf......a mans gottae eat.
Anyways....all this talk o' leotards an' thongs got a wee bit too much for auld Tommy Podgournie....he really got into the swing o' it so he did....not a pretty sight.....When he touched his toes I felt it wis tae the common good tae point out that a bunch o' grapes in a hammock wis no' the look that yon Simon Bowels character wis lookin' for.
Wul.
Aye, Wullie, you really arsed up those bum notes. Dinnae worry about Simon Bowels, though. How do you think he got his name?
Don't mention the 'grapes in the hammock'! Annie's tuba exploded when she saw them. Poor Tommy's grapes were left hanging on the crystal chandeliers in the Dangly Balls Dance Hall. The committee like the idea of leaving them there. Very apt, they say. Tommy's written a letter to ask for them back, though.
Mr Banter withoot his Mrs here, Can someone tell me if there is anything particlarly infectious on the carry oot menu tonight at Greasy Dick's Executive Chipperama? I need an excuse not to go to the mother-in-laws for dinner tomorrow
If food poisoning would do may I suggest the deepfried scampi, if you can handle the slimy bits.
Fionas green painting
Ah lovely! I see the Shell Lady has been cooking up her beach combings down at Greasy Dick's Executive Chipperama, again. I'd definitely recommend her clapdarnach and oyster stew for colonic irrigation, Mr Banter!
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