Would contestants for the 2006 Highland Poacher's Spelling Bee please collect their tins of Heinz Alphabetti Spaghetti by noon tomorrow, from Jean at the Woolshop. The contest begins 6.00 pm sharp, in the back room of Murdina's Butcher Shop.
Remember the rules –
No spelling out obscene words.
Alphabetti Spaghetti only - no prawns!
No spelling with your mouth full.
No Bees.
Only one contestant in the Porta Loo at a time.
Do not feed the judges.
No Parmesan cheese in the Porta Loo.
Cheerleaders must not spell out the words, when providing support.
No village idiots, one-eared sheep or one-legged contestants.
Sorry, only one 40oz bottle of cooking whisky allowed per contestant.
In the event of slurred speech, the judge’s decision will be final.
No playing with the sausage machine or the mincer.
List of words that contestants must spell, as follows –
Poacher
Salmon
Gamekeeper
Run
Hide
Siren
Police
Gotcha
Handcuffs
Court
Judge
Jail
Warden
Key
Slam
Lights Out
Cooey Cooey little Poacher
Oh Oh!
Burly Brokeback Mountaineering Inmates
Run
Hide
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5 comments:
Whits this aboot NO ONE-LEGGED CONTESTANTS?!!! I've taken citizen's advice and I'm phoning the headquarters of the equal opportunities folk first thing tha morrows morrow. Whoever heard of a Poacher's Spelling Bee without Woodworm Willie?
Can I enter the contest anonymously? I dinnae want folk tae ken that I poach.
If ye canna spell can ye use Pictionary - its a big hit here in L.A. but I bought mine in Birmingham or was it Birnam - anyway....I might be home for World Dance Day on 29th April. I have a paper I'd like to present to the Organising Committee if you don't mind - "My life as a pilot - turbulence as a form of dance"
I'll make sure they present your paper, Cyril. I'm good at the belly dancing myself. Not as good as Big Maggie Ann, but she has more to wiggle than me. I just have a few bellies of pork.
Gee,no doubt for gigantic highlander.
You're as good as like butter-scotch.
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