Wullie Spanners, proprietor of the local garage, utilised drastic measures (literally) to deal with the current fuel shortage on the island.
Assisted by Daft Uidean, Wullie was seen replacing the fuel pumps with bar optics, then dispensing fifth of a gill measures for petrol and sixth of a gill measures for diesel.
However, customers grew wary when Wullie handed out sausages on sticks and cheese canapés.
When interviewed, PC Hugh Dunnett said, “Customers began calling the station, saying that the petrol tasted suspiciously like Torquil’s cooking whisky. They were unsure if the diesel was really Torquil’s 2007 Clapdaranch Wine or if it was an older vintage.”
By early afternoon, PC Dunnett had made two arrests for breach of the peace and treason, when a pair of staggering Japanese tourist set up a karaoke machine outside Wullie's garage and began singing Sydney Devine songs. Seventeen arrests were made for being drunk and disorderly in a public place.
Commenting further, PC Dunnett asked the public for assistance. “As the jail is currently full, can all guest house owners with B&B vacancies please contact the police station? I need three non-smoking double rooms, one with sea view and mini bar, four twin rooms, two smoking and two non-smokings, and two single rooms with Jacuzzis and vegetarian breakfasts. Handcuffs will be provided until the courthouse opens on Monday morning.
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2 comments:
I just noticed this comment from Crawford Minty's mother. It was published under another thread -
Hello Torquil, Mrs Minty here.
We have a double room unexpectedly available due to a late cancellation by Princess Anne and her horse, who were to be attending the Horse Trials. The room has sea views (once Uisdean returns the window),en-suite chamberpot facilities and includes full self-service organic vegan breakfast 9lettuces,mushrooms etc outside window).
Also we have a cosy single room with 6 bunk beds, two blow up mattresses and further loft space sleeping a further 14. This was the staff accomodation for the Polish waitresses, who of course are now waiting on the mainland. For PC Dunnett, we could nail the door shut until Tuesday - we will need the room then for the Kazikstan equestrian Dressage and Polo team.
Regards to your mother.
Has anyone got the number for the Japanese guy with the karaoke machine. Daft Uisdean is practicing for next year's x factor.
Big Maggie Ann
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