The Ladies of the Wee Free Church Guild will hold a special meeting this Thursday to give instructions on how to use a Shewee.
Shewee, the portable urinating device, is a moulded, water repellent plastic funnel that allows women to urinate whilst standing or sitting and without removing clothes.
Due to Highland Island Government cutbacks, mandatory public use of the Shewee will be phased in over the course of the summer months, in preparation for the September 1st closure of all ladies’ toilets on the island.
Public conveniences will now be unisex. Existing Ladies toilets will be sold at auction on September 1st, 2010. Women will be expected to share the use of urinals by utilizing their Shewees.
At a recent question and answer session, down at the ferry terminal toilets, concerned members of the community asked how they could address the topic of privacy between sexes. It was decided that everyone entering public toilets should wear a blindfold.
Local community councilor, Farquar Bogg, added, “The use of blindfolds should also assist in aiding financial cutbacks, as we would no longer require lighting inside the toilets.”
Rev. Brimstone asked how people would find the urinals in the dark, whilst wearing blindfolds. He anticipated a lot of fumbling, groping and wet shoes.
Farquar Bogg consequently decided that all shoes should be removed before entering public toilets.
Mr. Bogg has asked anyone with further concerns to write to him in the comments section below. Or, if anyone would like to make an offer for one of the Ladies toilet buildings, please enter your confidential, sealed bid in the comment section, also stating your plans for its intended use.
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5 comments:
I thought a shewee was an Irish ghost! The Ladies main convenience in the centre of the Island would make an excellent gallery space, were one to ask Muddy very nicely! Obviously it would be wise to grant fund such a proposal, offer to throw in a free "no peasants" sign and we think he'll go for it.
The Rev Brimstone was concerned about fumbling, groping and wet shoes, had he suggested this were accompanied by the singing of the Racasan song he would have coined Spanners on a Saturday night in one, most of the ladies on the Island have grown almost immune to this by now.
Regards,
Fiona and her paintings
Jean at the woolshop said "Oh to be sure, don't go telling the Ladies of the Church Guild that there's an Irish ghost in their hand-knitted knickers, or the Reverent Brimstone will have phantom pregnancies in his fold."
She added, "By the way, Ladies, I'm taking orders now for knitted Shewee covers. Of course, they'll be hand-knitted in double knit wool in the usual racing gree."
Ah, Muddy again... he's not a Pheasant Plucker, is he?
The Ladies of the Church Guild had words with Muddy about the large discriminatory sign he intends to erect outside the toilet (his new art emporium.)
Annie, the proposed spokesperson, told him in no uncertain terms, "We don't want erections like yours anywhere near our Ladies' toilets."
Daft Uisdean muttered, "I'm up for some Saturday night singing, together with some groping and fumbling. If Wullie can get away with it, then... Hey. Hey. Must go, as the ferry is coming in and I have to go flash my underpants at the tourists."
O.K. you rotten lot.... My nocturnal perambulations are my own business so they are...As yon chinkie geezer said... lady wi' skirts up can run faster than gudgie wi' troosers doon....I rest ma' case. Anyway, about yon' lassies bogs....I've put a bid in fae tae convert them tae a hot dog stall an' fast food boutique fae the towrists. Can get ma two nieces tae run it...bonnie teenage lassies...have the punters flocking in so it will....Muddy disnae stand a chance !
Wul.
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