“Waiter! Waiter! There’s an earwig on my ear.”
“Hold still and let me look, Daft Uisdean.”
“Hurry up, waiter. I have a phobia about…”
“Och Uisdean, It’s not a wig... you need to shave your ears.”
“Waiter! Waiter! Come back – there’s a fly on my trousers.”
“Yes, I know Uisdean. Now zip it up again because the Ladies from the Church Guild are looking.”
“But, Waiter! Waiter! I’ve got an ant in ma leg.”
“Och, Uisdean, Your aunt moved away from Mallaig years ago.”
“Waiter! Waiter! There’s a bug under the table.”
“Look, Daft Uisdean, this is Big Maggie Ann’s café, not MI5.”
"Ah, but Waiter! Waiter! There’s a tick on the clock.”
“That's it! OUT!”
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A member of the local Knitting (read Gossip) Group said...I hear that since Daft Uisdean was banned from the cafe he's been stalking Big Maggie Ann. He said, "Waiter! Waiter! A spider in my binoculars."
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