Chinese Whispers

I have been asked to read a statement to clear up a small misunderstand, on behalf of Fi Ling Lo, down at the Lim Ping Dragon Chinese Take-Away Van, parked at the ferry terminal.

(You see, Big Maggie Ann has spent hour upon hour snorkelling at the pier, in search of her son, Daft Uisdean.

Apparently, Maggie said that Hamish-the-Bearded-Clam-Diver told her, ‘A smirch of an indiscretion occurred when Uisdean was breast-stroke swimming up the West Coast and his head, his knees and his foot were stuck in the hole of a lobster pot’.

But, Hamish-the-Bearded-Clam-Diver denied it. “Naw, Big Maggie misheard me. I told her Wullie Spanners said that ‘Daft Uisdean’s lurcher peed on his coat and his vest below, which are now wringing, because his foot was stuck in the fly recession of his boxer shorts.’"

According to Wullie Spanners, though, that's not what he said, either. Rev. Brimstone phoned him to say that Uisdean wouldn’t be into work. "The Rev. said, 'Lo and behold, Uisdean’s left you in the lurch. He’s snuck off on foot on the fly, up the ebb of the west coast to clear his head and breathe in a decompression box ’." said Wullie Spanners

But, then Rev. Brimstone denied saying anything about breathing in a decompression box. “The Ladies of the Church Guild Knitting Circle reported to me, ‘Daft Uisdean is lying with both feet stuck, clinging low in a web, after free-flying like a ghost above the church confession box’." said Rev. Brimstone.

“No No, you have it wrong, minister.” said Annie, on behalf of the ladies. “When Murdina at the butcher’s told me about Uisdean, I said, ‘In the name of the church and the Holy Ghost! Did you say ‘Uisdean’s webbed feet were being fried with egg by Fi Ling Lo, as he’s running out of Peking Duck?’"

And, Murdina said, “Yes.”)

Here is the notice on behalf of Fi Ling Lo, down at the Lim Ping Dragon Chinese Take-Away.

“I definitely not fly web feet in Peking Duck.”